Preclude To My Requiem

as misunderstood by others, i am a pessimistic optimist, cynical and nonconformist; sometimes dull and numb, kind of sardonic, and partly phlegmatic and totally insane.
and then i have knowledge of myself; a self-made man, well-trained but i come undone.
i am someone who may be sarcastic or just plainly unsympathetic.
antipathetic to new ideas, averse to taking risks, and loathing. these adjectives predisposes my alter ego but it is more likely true to the fact that I AM WHO I AM.

needless to say i guess you know i hate you

why was i never good enough? why? i don't know..but it doesn't matter anyway.
put a dot at the end line.

Lux Aeterna

falling..and fast.

through the unsung requiem this is my premise, enough that i endured expletive remarks on what they do not know about me thus it is a humbling experience but f**k it, i don't even care.. is it because you know i am much better, or shall i say bitter, than most of you? if i am not as you say, i just give you a sucker punch for that one.

superhuman

whoa, i have been very busy these days but it is quite boring when all day long you have to be in front of the computer listening to what the doctor says and you just move your fingers on the keyboard. i just push my luck here cos' i am definitely running my productivity sheets and i know it will be worth it. i am going to pursue my ambition and nothing can get on my way now. i have taken the next step and maybe this will be my leap to the top.

to all those people who have doubts that i will succeed, i promise that i will prove you wrong.

maybe, i need a shrink, but still, he will not understand. i am doing this to forget everything but...still...i remember *sob*.
i really want to go back to a place that i can blurt out my feelings and now i have to ask myself why?

what have become of me?

these endless struggles will have an end for i will be victorious and i will conquer! damnation is only to those who are weak.

fool! i do not care what you say about me.. why are you so jealous of me when i do not envy you?

*cries* me feels the same (pathetic life)

and so it seems,
a part of me feels missing.

notes of being free

it is not about not wanting the environment, it is not about the co-workers or salary.. it is about pursuing one's pursuit in life. it is what i have always wanted. i wanted something that i can manage my own so i decided to become a freelancer. it is in that pretext that i have made this choice. it is where i can manage my time but still can live my bachelor escapades, but to think of it, it drives me to move on to the next level. this is who i am and this is what i wanted to be. as the story said 'freedom is a hard-bought thing'.